If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
