Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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