Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
