Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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