I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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