A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize