Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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