yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
