I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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