please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
