SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
