Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
