Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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