Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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