So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
