I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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