my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
