My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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