You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm at about main and main street
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No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
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He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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