My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Randomize
