I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
