My nipple is on Facebook.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
