And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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