I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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