Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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