..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
