He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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