Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
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we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
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My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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