I want her autograph on my taint
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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