I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
