Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
