there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she smelled like a LAN party
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
