I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
