My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
