I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm getting married
To pizza
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
