i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
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