i barfeds in our rink
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
