Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
