if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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