They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
