We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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