Just cropdusted the office
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
