i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
