He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
