jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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