I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So squirting runs in the family.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
