i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
