No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
