guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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