That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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