Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize