I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Houston, we have a squirter
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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