i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
