I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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