I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
