there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
