benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
