He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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