do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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