I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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