I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
