hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
