I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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