just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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