Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
