i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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