margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
