he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
