If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
